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tl;dr some controversial shiz and how it relates to the state of the union volume three


this is the conclusion to my armchair philosopherizing here and here.

the only reason i am even writing this article now is because i find myself wide awake with no more articles to read or porn to jerk off to. when the internet lets you down, you must create OC. such is laws of internet.

russia and china are playing for keeps. their gibson hackers have huge ties in criminal and governmental organizations that go harder than amway’s dopest pyramid. some of these guys get recruited under threat of death to themselves or family and basically have to hack for their life – markedly different than this hollywoodified version of hacker recruiting:

if you know that scene, we can be best friends. it is like, my biggest fantasy ever, aside from a 20yr old hacking, cracking angelina jolie.

hollywood doesn’t even have it right though. we (as americans, or the “west”) are not snapping up our best and brightest hax0rs with promises of blowjobs. as fucked up as you might think the western governments are, i haven’t heard of any of my hacker buddies getting threatened with death or put on a 3 grains of rice diet in exchange for their services. i’m pretty sure israel is putting in work just because that’s how they roll, but aside from them, everyone else is clowning the shit out of computer criminals.

we live in a shitty world with borders and state secrets and governments and tentacle porn and 4chan. my mother’s vagina excreted me onto this soil called the united states of america, and by virtue of birth, the imaginary lines drawn long before i got here make me an american. in my lifetime, i would love to see a world with no borders or nations, but i highly doubt that is possible. we must recognize that these borders exist and people run these collections of imaginary lines – some are giant shitheads and others are just plain shitheads. it takes a collection of shitheads to run a government, because anyone who isn’t a shithead (other than ron paul) wants nothing to do with ruling people. XOR.

before i say anything that could be labeled as incendiary, let me say that i deal with russians and chinese people in business fairly frequently and they’re cool and fucking intelligent as hell. as most wars go throughout history, it is a bunch of powerful people sending a bunch of regular people who don’t really give a fuck into harm’s way.

and anyone currently on team infosec here in the western world, i want to be like robin williams in good will hunting – hug you tightly and tell you it’s not your fault. it’s not your fault. it’s not your fault. it’s not your fault.

anyway, you have a motivated and determined populace on the eastern hemisphere fucking BEATING DOWN everything we have here in america. we are already supremely understaffed and undermanned to counter these threats because the government would rather embarrass and humiliate hackers than put them to work. we do not have the best and brightest sitting in these chairs because to think like a criminal, you sadly have to be a pretty good criminal to begin with.

this causes a negative feedback loop because every time someone from inside these imaginary lines decides to fuck with something inside the same lines, those morons have to wheel their chairs around and contend with a domestic threat when they SHOULD be watching outwards. when they catch the guy embarrassing them in their backyard, they kick his dick in the dirt, throw him in jail, and laugh about it.

the russians and chinese are not playing by the same rules, nor are they playing the same game. they will gladly pluck someone from the minors and go ham on their fam. their talent pool is growing rapidly, and while i don’t agree with the methodology, the truth is this is real life. it isn’t like physics class with frictionless pulleys and massless blocks – this is real deal holyfield captain america shield.

which is why i think kicking america in their exposed genitals probably isn’t the best approach for my fellow countrymen. until one side makes a mea culpa and realizes the pointless nature of this internal strife, we are destined for failure. were going to get lapped up by people with more of a sense of nation-based community, falsely attributed or not.

p.s. i might have gotten busted jerking off on the couch earlier. i jerk off entirely too much, but i am from the internet, so fuck you. i am embarrassed. not. maybe a little.

i am going to click publish now before proofreading or anything. sleep tight, don’t let the bedbugs bite, etc.

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