musings from the sky on my way home from animinneapolis

---

first off, allow me to show you a little doctored image of a g0g0inflight chat using a trick i learned from the whodi hairetsu.

yes, most of the actual hack is obviously redacted but with any associates level social engineering degree from the university of digital gangster, you should be able to decipher all necessary elements (and maybe a few of your own) to exploit free internets IN THE SKY.

(google is probably going to index this page about how to hax g0g0 so i’m typing dumb)

anyway, i went to the HOSPITAL on the night of my supposed appearance and for the FIRST time in my life i cancelled a show. you have NO IDEA how terrible i feel. i’ve been on the verge of tears the past two days and seriously if people do not forgive me for this, i do not blame them. thankfully, the only real red flag is high white blood cell count, which could mean any number of things, some of which are cancer. mostly though, not cancer.

heart and lungs are in EXCELLENT shape. brain is another organ. we can talk about him later.

i’ve been having a conversation with the lady next to me without even talking to her. it has just been in my head and i am answering her questions and i hear her talk back in a voice i think she sounds like, but she is sleeping right now. she’s probably in her mid-40s, early 50s.

so in my fake conversation with her, i said “hey, out of curiousity, how long have you been flying?” and she replied “oh, quite a while, since the early 80s.” i asked her if she remembered when you could actually smoke on airplanes (i barely even remember, the ban went into effect in 1987, i think) and she said yes.

then i directed her attention up to the area with the oxygen mask and the lights and fans and shit. there’s a seatbelt light that goes on and off depending on what’s going on (ps turbulence is fucking NUTS RIGHT NOW HOLY SHIT) but yea there is this no cigarette light right in our faces and it is everywhere all around the plane in front of everyone’s faces on the bathroom door on the walls on the fucking everywhere.

ok now i’m going to let this broad go to sleep without me using psychic energy vampyrism even though i never even talked to her in the first place. i just used my imagination. i have a good imagination for a 28-year old.

——

i forget which airlines i have recently been on where they have swapped out the ‘no smoking sign” with a “keep your electronic devices off” sign. that is fucking brilliant, regardless of the fact that it would require at least fourjilliontrillionthousandhundredtwoswag (or thereabouts) electronic interference to bring down a plane. that light fucking does something. it serves a purpose. since 1987 all this motherfucking NO SMOKING SIGN does everywhere i look is make me jones for a motherfucking cigarette. it does nothing beyond that. it has been over 20 years now, you can remove it.

so fuck you.

anyway, turbulence is really bad – hopefully we land well. TOODLES – remember the alamo!